In the last ten days I’ve spoken with four different individuals regarding their discovery of Leather History. And yes—I could hear the capital letters. I’m always delighted to hear someone pursuing knowledge with excitement and fresh desire for discovery.

As I listened, I was stunned to hear how their engagement to this subject had taken unexpected turns (hence, this article).

Each one of the four began by letting me know how they could hardly wait to learn what had come before them. One of them felt they couldn’t move forward in their path until they learned “their” history. Another felt that we’re somehow losing so much by not fully grasping, understanding, and knowing all the details of the past. Still another felt they had a huge responsibility to carry forward with the wishes/ideologies of those who came before them. Another felt they couldn’t possibly contribute anything important as it almost seemed as if all the truly worthy important things had already been done and they for not knowing all aspects of history were doomed to never create anything special. One of them felt they might not be able to do anything at all because they couldn’t live up to the standards of the past.

Leather history can be a valuable resource. If we look at it an educational tool it becomes just one of many tools to lead our lives in the manner that we choose. It has been said that the best education is one that provides us with options—perhaps leather history or history of any kind is simply there to provide options. No more, no less. Given this understanding—whatever leather was in the past isn’t a road map for us to model our lives after like a Jell-O mold. If we took lessons from history and took the time to find out which history worked best for us (yes, I believe there exists more than one historical account) I do not believe any of those lessons would preclude us from moving forward in whatever fashion suited.

I see too many people looking backwards and becoming more and more undecided in how they will next proceed or even worse-- standing absolutely still due to some sense of “how it was done.” One lovely motivated person said to me, “I was told I couldn’t really move forward without knowing my past.” Who in the world comes up with such absolutism thought and feeds it wholesale to those who are ready to step up and do the work? Of course you can move forward. The past is done and it’s finished. You can’t add to it. You can’t change it. The past does not decide who you should be or what you should do. You decide that and you CAN change the future.

Those who came before us had the courage and the need to create a world that fit their needs and wants at the time. Why should living be any different for you? Simply because someone did it one way in the past does not decide for you and for all time how it should be done.

It’s not to say the past doesn’t have value—if it didn’t me and my champagne sipping dinosaur friends wouldn’t have to turn down dozens of invitations a year because there are too many events to attend who want that sense of past and value experience highly. The value the past holds can perhaps allow some to live a better life and feel they are connected to something bigger than themselves. Perhaps the past will even allow us to make better decisions currently. However, we cannot hold the past as the Holy Grail to perfection. We cannot say if we could only do it as they did then XXX and XXX wouldn’t happen and life in leather would be better. Besides, if the past is the Holy Grail to perfection then guess what? That perfection would be you and me. We’re the results of the past—here we are. Are you feeling the perfection of it all?

One of the most interesting aspects of these various conversations I had was that every last one of these folks was told this information by someone who has only been around ten to thirteen years. These aren’t the folks that strike me as someone who is going to know what really happened twenty or thirty years ago and yet through telling these folks that they couldn’t move forward without historical knowledge they have set themselves up as elders. How did that happen? What’s your personal idea of an elder?

Each one of them had a different weight attached to the concept that history is necessary. Each one of them had picked up baggage and pressure from their discussions with others. Pursue history if you’re fascinated. Pursue history if you want to learn about possible options. Do not pursue history to create your own road map in full.

One of the best decisions I ever made a few years back was to stop teaching the next generations and take some time to listen to them and play with them. I learned so much and it was so valuable. I learned they were inventing their own ways—they don’t need mine. I learned they were throwing hot sexy parties that didn’t carry the baggage of those who were raised in the late 80’s and 90’s where sex didn’t happen at many parties (SM play and sex became separate when GRID/HIV became known as a sex disease in the 80’s). I can’t recall a single SM party from the 1970’s that didn’t include sex. SM and sex wasn’t separate for the next generations and they only knew of a time with HIV was just part of living and you made adult choices. It seems the benefit of history for them might have been to carry the baggage of those before who stopped having sex at parties. I’d say they’re doing just fine without a history lesson or two.

Some from the TNG never choose to learn about those who came before; it is not a need for them. Some do seek out knowledge of the past as it interests them. Those of us slightly older need to have the wisdom to make room for their choices and we need to respect those choices. We can foster their learning if we’re well schooled and able to do so but to force it on them as the only way to be not only disrespects them, it’s a disservice to us all.

For those who hold the past in high regard—more power to them. I’m one of those people. One of the gauges I have used to choose who I might look up to as I was growing up was how they treated their elders. I especially was impressed at the time with the respect shown in public and private to elders who weren’t especially liked as people. I witnessed where it was clear they were not friends or more than friendly but credit was given when credit was due. This hierarchal system of holding long-timers in respect is a system I choose and will choose the rest of my days. However, I won’t hold anyone to this system if they haven’t chosen it.

For those of you who do choose to dig out the old bones and really find out how things transpired in the past—do so with zest. I also say don’t allow the past to impede your future. Don’t allow others to cow you or influence your willingness to take action and create the world as you see fit. Your ideas are worthy. Your future depends upon it. It is your future and your immediate world that needs your attention most. You don’t have to out-do anyone. You don’t have to live up to a standard that someone who came out ten years ago said someone else thirty years ago did it that way.

Your obligation is to live beautifully now. Your obligation is to set free the new and fresh ideas that come from your experience (or lack thereof) and boldly go where no sado-masochist has gone before. I dare you.

By Catherine Gross

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