Master/slave relationships, love and being in it

Written August 2012

I went to Floating World last weekend. I ended up in a surprising conversation and have decided to write this post in light of that conversation.

Disclaimer: All M/s relationships are different and this is just my preference. I have known other relationships and we all must decide what works for us. That being said....

I speak of deep love often in the M/s classes I teach. The slaves I have been blessed to own have enjoyed sound structure. We have our protocols, our ways of moving through the world with each other and sometimes that may look distant, perhaps somehow lacking in emotion, to others. I understand M/s can seem to have an inherent distance to some but my M/s is anything but that.

I am a Master/Owner who falls in love with her slaves. I like intense, intimate, close, loving and in-love relationships. I expect to share my soul with my slaves, love them deeply and be in love with them. There aren't emotional boundaries in my mastery. While I have owned slaves I haven't been in love with-- those relationships were rare and unique. My in-love state doesn't interfere with holding the structure together as an Owner must. It is part of what my slaves need for security in the relationship. I am not ashamed of loving my slaves in a romantic manner nor do I hold any belief that there must be distance to maintain good M/s.

M/s may need to evolve gradually to develop a good foundation and solid protocols, both parties need to know each other well, but romantic love is not an issue or problem creator as long as the Master can be fairly consistant and hold the structure together. Frankly, the fantasy that you can take charge of 100% of your new slaves life without hearing their input on necessary items (family, job, health) where the Master feels disrespected by his slave sharing those concerns is more destructive than romantic love could ever be.

I know what it is to be on the slavery side of M/s. As a slave, the Owner's/Master's/Daddy's I have chosen have been people I was in love with and I cannot imagine going into an M/s relationship as a slave now where I wasn't in love. When I was blessed with my last owner, I couldn't imagine a night not spent in Her bed when I wasn't traveling.

My ex-Owner generously gave me what I needed. This is my list that has held true to date:

- Allow me to do what you need to be done within my ability.
- Allow me to love, care for, and meet the needs of my family and my slaves.
- Allow me the necessary time to run my business and make a living.
- Learn me by asking questions and talk to me about who you are sharing yourself so I may know my Owner well and I will keep your faith.
- Have a minimal interest in my growth and sometimes allow our life to be a little bit about me.
- Manage tasks so I may have adequate time to sleep, eat, maintain my health and please show an interest in my state of wellness.
- Show me tenderness on occasion with a hand to the back of my neck or some gesture of your liking so I may recharge under your hand.
- Treat me with kindness, basic respect, and allow me eye contact.
- Acknowledge 30% of what I do well. I do not need to be thanked for doing what is regular. I simply need to be seen and desired.
- Correct my errors, provide consequences for mistakes that impact You negatively, and punish acts of will (the last was only necessary once in my life).
- Allow my body pleasure (not only scenes taking pain for you in the name of obedience).
- Allow me to know your love and your loving authority.

And what I received was far greater than any list I could make. I was not a slave kept at a distance who did the work but didn't receive the love, play and conversations. I am not that Owner and I am not that slave. Instead I learned what it was to be allowed to be funny, playful and cherished. I knew what it was to have conversation about a myriad of topics, especially M/s topics, and she allowed me to be her courtesan in every manner. I knew her humanness and her forgiveness-- she was freely given mine also. I was allowed to give Her devotion, admiration, my passion, my organization skills, my loyalty, my desire, and be fully in love with her sharing intimacies on all levels. She had the final word but demonstrated her humility by continuing to learn her craft and to learn her slave. Her humility fully allowed me to be humble in my mistakes, change what was needed, see through new eyes and amend my errors.

Her willingness to be the final word and choose her own path, allowed her to learn Mastery from me. She had a girl before me but had not owned a slave. She wasn't afraid of my power as a person or my knowledge. She owned my knowledge because She owned me. She allowed me to provide her with options, possibilities and philosophies to consider and teach her SM skills. She choose her own M/s and commanded me in her style not mine. She choose not to be afraid of failure or afraid to command me just because I have solid M/s experience. She choose to not allow her inexperience to keep her from who she really was meant to be and who she really needed to be with me. She didn't allow her inexperience to translate to the notion that I wouldn't respect her because she didn't have the same experience I did. Her willingness to use and explore my experinece/skills gave us huge intimate and beautiful possibilities. Her choice to be who she really was and show herself to me in full gave us a loving life. She was Daddy, Master/Sir, and Owner. It is the tri-fecta for me.

I hope to one day have another Owner/Master/Daddy who isn't distant or unwilling to engage intimately as I was presumed to be in that conversation at Floating World. I hope my some day O/M/D will speak to me, have conversations about Mastery/slavery/service/Daddy/Owners. I hope She will unfold her thoughts and soul to me, question me, learn who I am, use my talents, use my knowledge, use my skills, play with me, hurt me, pet me, hold me to daily rituals, be energetically connected to me, have fun with me, reach for me, desire me, allow me to be a pleasure-creator for her in every sense, and yes-- love me deeply enough to form an in-love intimate relationship with her property/slave/girl even when our life is inconvenient, messy, and oh so very human.

I believe I have given this and more to my slaves. I believe they know I love them deeply, am unable to imagine my life without them, and will show them my heart. I believe they know we aren't a formula-based relationship one must follow to the uptight letter of the law but instead a personal, highly connected leather journey. I beleive they know I will be there when it's inconvenient, messy and oh so very human because M/s loving does not know boundaries-- it instead says, I love you and there is nothing that is too hard because you, my slave, are loved.

Catherine Gross

© Copyright 2012 - 2015 No part of this may be reproduced or distributed in any manner without author permission. For permission, please contact Catherine.

Published on Fetlife Aug, 2012

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